Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Reality check(s).

On my drive home from babysitting, I was slapped in the face by reality. Tears included. I was actually listening to The Lone Bellow (sad music, I love it) and thinking about my current problems.

I have a test the first day back from spring break, and it's a hard one, it stresses me out.

Currently going through problems with myself. I'm not being honest with myself, I'm not giving myself any time, and I know things shouldn't be all about you, but some should be. My heart isn't doing so well lately.

Yesterday was my best friend's 5th year, he died in a car accident, because of that, I've been thinking things aren't fair.

And because of other things, life is just not fair. But in reality, in the back of my head, I know that I've been adding two extra words to that, "not fair", because life is just. It's just because Christ died for US.

Lately, fire rescues trigger many thoughts in my head. During my grandfather's 6 months-long battle with lung cancer, I was the one who called 911, not one time, but up to three times weekly. Every time I saw my grandfather go into that truck, I thought it'd be his last. But that's cancer, so he'll be right back home the next day. Until of course, one time, he didn't make it back, and that was heartbreaking. I still remember his last day at the hospital like it was yesterday. For the first time during his battle, I felt useless, his monitors were beeping real loud, he wasn't looking well, and the doctors knew what was happening. And I ran out of there, and I yelled for help, and no one helped, because they all knew. As the person that always called for his rescue, I was shattered, empty, broken. It wasn't until a year or two later, that I realized Christ had already rescued him. It wasn't my job to, He was behind it all along, but it took me a while to understand. If I had already known that, I wouldn't have felt useless, broken, and shattered. He rescues so that we don't feel those things.

My best friend always talked about how he'd never been on an airplane. We'd always talk about that. Sometimes, it's really hard to look at a helicopter and not think of him. He was actually able to fly in one one time. It breaks my heart because it was when he was being rushed to the hospital after his accident. They took him in a helicopter. And when I first found out, it tore me apart, because he never knew he flew.

Things like this happen every day, all around the world.

Last Thursday, I saw the film "Girl Rising", and that was a reality check. Girls all over the world don't have it as easy as I do. I never had to work for a master (or three) during my childhood. I'll never have to marry a man who purchased me. I'll never have to remain silence for the rest of my life. I was never forced to have children during my childhood. I've never been raped. I've never been beaten by a man, or woman. I can show my face wherever, whenever. I can wear whatever I want. I was able to go to school for free. I've never been denied an education. I was able to walk home from school without danger. I will be able to marry the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I will have as many children as I want. All these things, we take them for granted. So much. Daily. And in the film, all the girls featured, did all of the above. Married at 7-15 years old to a stranger. Mothers at 12-13 years old. Silent. Covered. Slaves. Reality checks.

Back to my drive home from babysitting, it was at around 10:45PM, and it's Sunday, so not many people were on the streets. I spotted a fire rescue from about half a mile behind me. I hated seeing it on my mirrors. I prayed for the families of the person in there, and for the person in there or for whoever they were going to get. I was nervous. As soon as it passed right by me, I was able to look inside. An old man, with gray hair, like my grandfather, was gasping for air. At this exact moment, I was upset about some STUPID boy situation. Seriously. When I saw that man, tears just came out without warning. It was sadness, it was a memory, and it was also guilt. Guilt because of what I was just upset about. I felt so sick. Because, like I said, these things happen everyday. It was just this one time that I actually witnessed it. I felt disgust.

Worrying about something that does not matter, feeling doubtful, feeling weak, feeling heartbroken, all these things came to mind. God is with us everyday. Just like these things happen everyday, God's grace is present every day in our lives. We just don't see it. And it truly effin sucks that we have to see God's grace in our lives during a moment as shitty as that man gasping for air. Because I certainly deserved to be in that man's place. But God's love is bigger than us. (Also, "I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials & sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” -John 16:33)

Christ died on that cross so that I wouldn't worry. Our father is in control of our lives.
Christ died so that I shouldn't feel doubtful. God's grace rules out our doubts.
Christ died and felt weak so that I wouldn't have to feel this weak. God's love is stronger than anything.
Christ died because He was strong for us. The Lord trusts us, and we have to trust in Him.

I am fine now, it was just a tough week, but I am revived by God's love for me. Because grace has changed everything. Because He heals the brokenhearted & binds up their wounds. Because He is always with me. Because Jesus died for me, because He is the most important thing in my life.

My prayer:
"Create in me a pure heart, O God, & renew a steadfast spirit within me."
-Psalms 51:10

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Life.

Has been real funny lately. Real fun, at times, confusing at others. All sorts of emotions lately.

Monday, February 25, 2013

Meal planning.


I'm a lot busier than I used to be a few months ago. I sometimes forget to eat, lol. As silly as that sounds! That's REALLY bad for you. So, to help me be more organized with my eating (and not eat junk food or spend extra money on food!), I found this handy note pad at Target's $1 spot. It's great! I'll be sharing my weekly meal plans on here, if I have the time, which I hope I do!
As you can tell, Monday was a pretty weird day. I spent the whole day doing errands and didn't have a good breakfast because I was in a rush. I had lunch at almost 4:30, so I had something light for dinner. I haven't had a chance to finish planning for the week, but I have a lot of things in mind. I'm going to try a turkey burger for the first time this week. (I'm so weird, I love burgers but I don't really eat meat, I eat chicken two or three times a week because my mother is pretty sure I will die without it. But I love seafood, and I manage to eat a slice of turkey breast in my sandwiches!)

Here's a quick tip: while grocery shopping, download the app "Fooducate" on your Apple device, scan the barcode of whatever you're buying and it grades the item from A+ to F! The best part is, it gives you better choices. Only because you're shopping at Whole Foods, doesn't mean everything you're buying is healthy. (I wish there was a Trader Joe's in South Florida. The closest is in Naples...agh!) That place is overpriced, I just get a few things from there and usually shop for groceries at Publix and/or Target. 


Monday, January 28, 2013

Music Monday

Ever since I got my car, this is the only (for no reason!) music that I listen to.

WHAT I LISTEN TO:


Not in order: Mumford & Sons, Phillip Phillips, Kendrick Lamar, The Lumineers, Coldplay, Kanye West, Beyonce, + Ingrid Michaelson.


I should switch it up! Suggestions?

Sunday, January 27, 2013

FILM THE CITY 2013

I'm leaving you, my Miami. Until next Thursday! 


I'm going to Atlanta, GA for the week. I'll be attending the Poultry/Feed Expo. with my dad. It's an expo where anyone that has anything to do with aviculture or agriculture meets up, once a year. It's really neat, I just go there for the free stuff! I get free things such as: pens, post-its, key chains, etc. My dad and his friends actually buy stuff and go for business purposes. (Our family business: we sell eggs from Honduras!) 

Anyway, since this is my first official trip of the year, I am beginning my new project. This year, I plan to document in video, the cities I visit. (Yeah, I'm planning on visiting more than 3, promise!) My DSLR records and I feel like I never take advantage of that, so I'm stoked to use it in my trip. I tried doing so in Downtown Miami not so long ago and it didn't go so well, what I had in mind required more than one person on the team, and uh, it's just me. 

This picture was taken in Atlanta, from a room's view at the Marriott Marquis.

While in Atlanta, I will be going to Trader Joe's for the first time!!!! I'm so excited, it's a little weird, but I just am! There's one in downtown, and it looks like its close to our hotel. Woohoo!

Here's another picture of a different place that isn't Atlanta or Miami. Orlando!


All pictures were shot with my old camera, Nikon D60.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Good Things.

If you follow me on Instagram/Twitter (@carmenicole), then you know what I mean by Good Things. I've been journaling about that topic this year. I've named it Good Things. I realized that in the past, during my devotionals, I would kind of just complain most of the time, and whine, I guess. I used to discover God's blessings, the good things, just by hitting rock bottom, emotionally. I'm real guilty of that, and I guess it does happen, but it shouldn't be consistent. Well, things have changed, and so has the way I journal/pray.

There are SO many good things in my life from The Lord. Seriously, it's overwhelming. The way my journal layout works, is this way: on the left page, I have a sticky note thing with a fill in the blank list, and it says Good Things on top. I found it at the same time I found my journal (Staples!) and that's when it all clicked! So for today, for example, I put the starry night sky in Miami. The stars are really shinning bright (....like a diamond, Rihanna?) tonight, and I think that's beautiful, and a good thing. Also, knowing my friend; Sanah, left to Boston today, but will be right back in 2 months is another good thing! On the right, I usually write the title of the text first, so that I know why I wrote what I wrote in the entire page. Last week, while reading Exodus, I came across this verse:

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." Exodus 14:14

I was prepared to write about the chapter as a whole, but the verse really got to my heart! So I made an entry for just this verse. First of all, what I'm about to say isn't a complaint, it's just a statement. So, I have been trying to find the right way to address several issues that are happening around me, and well, this verse has given me the solution. This week itself is a crazy one, I opened up my planner this morning, and I thought I was in the wrong week cus of all the things I had written down. Well, The Lord has previously fought many battles for me, and I am so blessed to be reminded! It's not really bittersweet, it's more of like a "oh, sugar! That's right." And it feels good, it felt really good.

That's a good thing. So throughout this year, different passages in the bible have opened me up to good things that are in my life that I take for granted or simply don't see. (Isaiah 55:8,9!!!) I'm so excited for the future, and for this bible study, and for my faith, and for my youth group, and for everything, and for you!

Do you keep a journal? A devotional? Tell me more! :-)